Black Ash
by Moon-wolf2
Summary: This is just a little parody of Snow White me and my friends wrote. Pleze R


Hi! Did you notice I start a lot of my fics with 'Hi'.  
  
Salaris- Oh just get on with the story!  
  
OK! Touchy. This is mainly a parody of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. (It has a buch of other parodies in it but who cares.)  
  
Salaris- No one that's who.  
  
*Ignoring that comment* My friends and I wrote this for school last year and I just felt like putting it up. Hope you like it. Btw anything in [...] is something I added just now and was not part of the original document.  
  
Black Ash and the 15 brides  
  
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"Once upon a time.no. Guess what..No! Long, long ago, in a galaxy.No!"  
  
"Cut it out!" the scribe yelled. He was getting tired of the prince's stammering, restarting, and stopping again. "I'll start for you."  
  
"Alright, but make it dignified," the prince replied.  
  
~*~  
  
Twice below an hour, there was a young prince named His Royal Majesty Prince Walawikataki Smithsonia, son of Her Royal Highness Queen Chachachachia Smithsonia. Luckily for their subjects, only the queen used her full name. The prince was called Prince Kai. [Why. No one knows to this day.]  
  
One day he went to his mother and asked, "Can I go to the new play in town with my friends?"  
  
"NO! You must be joking! It's far too dangerous for you to leave the house anymore." she replied.  
  
"But, mother!" the price yelled  
  
"No. You can't go. End of discussion. And, young man, you know better then to fight with me," the queen yelled. She was getting quite mad by now. The prince decided to go to his room in his dungeon.  
  
He thought to himself, "That's the 26th time this month [and its only the 13th.] Mom's getting too over protective. I mean, she makes me live in the dungeon so I can't get shot through the window. Now, she won't let me out of the castle. I can sort of understand why though. I mean with father killed by terrorists and all. One can never be overprotective right? No what am I thinking? She's way too overprotective! You can ask any normal person who's family member was killed by a terrorist if their family was overprotective and the would probably just say 'No, but now we value each other more.' We don't value each other more, we have grown further apart in my opinion."  
  
He decided he would go anyway.  
  
He thought about how to get out of the castle without anyone seeing him. Prince Kai ran to the guard's closet and got out a shovel. He ran to the dirt wall and began to dig up and out. What the prince didn't know was that he wasn't digging outward far enough. He dug straight into the moat. It flooded the dungeon, but he managed to push his way out. He swam up through the moat, and started for the stable. Prince Kai had to keep his eyes closed because he had gotten water in his eyes. He got to the stable and felt around for a horse. When he found a large animal, he got on it and rode away.  
  
Prince Kai came to a large onion field. Knowing that his nose is highly sensitive, he tried to steer away, but he couldn't! He tried again, but the horse wouldn't turn. He cleared his eyes some more from the water and looked down. He was riding a llama! He must have grabbed the llama when he was in the stable because his eyes were clogged with water. The prince was deep in thought when the llama threw him off and he landed on his back in the onion field. Prince Kai fainted from the smell.  
  
When he woke up [he was in a bed in a hut.] He saw 7 ogres, girl ogres, standing in front of him. The biggest one stepped forward. She was about his height, yet shorter. She was probably 6 feet tall against his 5 feet and 10 inches.  
  
"I'm Tiny," she said.  
  
"No, you're not! You're huge!" the prince replied a little frightened.  
  
"My name is Tiny!" she yelled back. The prince just nodded. "This is Beauty." One ogre stepped forward. Prince Kai couldn't see how she could be called the best looking, but he didn't say anything.  
  
"Hi! I'm Brainy," another ogre said to the wall. "I think you're cute!"  
  
"I'm over here!" the prince yelled. She was half way across the room and even when the prince said this she didn't look straight at him.  
  
"I knew that!" Brainy called back. The prince could see that this ogre wasn't one of the smarter ones.  
  
"I'm Flower," said an ogre standing very close to him. "Don't I smell beautiful? I used a special onion perfume!"  
  
"Not really," the prince coughed.  
  
"WHAT?!" Flower shouted. She looked incredibly angry.  
  
"I said that you smell fabulous!" the prince stated, hoping that she would believe him.  
  
Just then, another ogre came running in, covered in mud. She flew to the spot where they had the prince tied to the chair.  
  
"I finished my shower!" the ogre screamed at the top of her lungs.  
  
"But you're covered in mud!" the prince screamed back.  
  
The ogre laughed and said, " Well, what did you expect?"  
  
"Nothing. Just tell me your name so we can get this over with," the prince replied.  
  
"Crystal. I'm the cleanest of all my sisters."  
  
"I see." Suddenly the prince became aware that something was on his lap. "Oh, hi!" he said.  
  
"Hi," she replied.  
  
"What's you're name?" Prince Kai asked, but the ogre just smiled up at him. "What's her problem?"  
  
"She's just shy," Tiny said in her defense. "She doesn't say much more than 'hi'." The ogre on his lap nodded.  
  
"O.k.! That's it! You guys are always ignoring me!" exclaimed a little voice from behind him. A small ogre walked out, almost in tears because she was being ignored.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know there were more of you," the prince said quickly. He felt very sorry for the small one.  
  
"It's alright. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at them. They always do it, you didn't know," she replied. She seemed to like to talk a lot. "Anyway, her name is Skit," she said pointing to the ogre on his lap. "I'm Elephant."  
  
"That's an interesting name, but ."  
  
Riiiiinnngg Ring.   
  
"Time to go to work," said Elephant.  
  
"What should we do with this guy?" asked Flower.  
  
"Well, I guess we could leave him here, I mean, he is tied down." replied Crystal.  
  
"Sounds good," Tiny yelled over her shoulder as she walked out of the house. The others ran after her and about thirty seconds later, Elephant went running after them as fast as she could. She was in such a hurry that she left the door open. Prince Kai had no idea what to think. Suddenly, a goat walked in the door. Just when Prince Kai thought his situation couldn't get any weirder, three chickens walked in followed by four pigs, and two cows. They started running back and forth eating everything and destroying anything they didn't eat. Just then, he realized that the goat had chewed off the rope that had the prince tied down. He jumped up, ran out of the house, and into the woods.  
  
After Prince Kai had gotten a ways into the woods, he found that he was very tired. He decided that he was so far into the woods that the ogres would never find him even if they searched all night. Because he felt so secure, he decided to lie down and take a nap.  
  
Later, he woke up, but he didn't open his eyes. He heard voices whispering and giggling. He could tell that these creatures, whatever they were, were going to talk their heads off just like the ogres had. Although, he was happy because he wasn't tied to the bed these creatures had laid him on.  
  
"Whatever we do we can't let the ogres marry him," one said.  
  
"I don't care who doesn't marry him, as long as I get to," said a second  
  
"No, you don't!" yelled another. "Because I will first!"  
  
Prince Kai was trying to make sense of all this, but he didn't get much. He understood that these creatures, which he found out were sprites, wanted to marry him. Their enemies were the ogres, and every man who came wandering into the woods so far, they had gotten to marry.  
  
The prince was now so tired of keeping his eyes closed that he opened them, and when he did, they all squealed in joy. The sprites were a lot nicer to him then the ogres had been. He had enjoyed staying with them frankly, but inside him he really wanted this weirdness to all end. The sprites crowded around the bed staring at him. Again he counted 7, all girls. "Here we go again." he thought. They all had different colored robes on with little pointy hats. They looked a lot like elves because of their pointy ears. Kai also noticed they were a lot cleaner and cuter then the ogres. Out of nowhere there was little squeal as one of the little sprites pushed through. "Hello there, little one."  
  
"Hi." she said rather shyly. "Are you going to stay with us?"  
  
"Well, I sort of want to go home. I've been through a lot and really want to go to my own home."  
  
"We'll take care of you!" she squealed.  
  
"Thanks for the offer, but."  
  
"Okay. I understand. You don't like me."  
  
"No, no. That's not it."  
  
"I'm sure its not." she replied sarcastically. She turned around and ran out the door crying. The others looked at him with disgust and turned after her. The prince saw his window of opportunity, so he got up and ran. He ran faster then he had ever run before. He had no idea where he was going but he turned around to make sure no one was following him. He ran right into the back of a fairy that had bent down to pick flowers.  
  
"Oh, man. I am so sorry!" exclaimed the prince.  
  
"Sorry? Sorry? That's all you have to say?" the fairy was very mad. "For your impertinence, I will cast a spell on. Hey! Get back here!" she screamed after him, but it was too late. He had dashed away.  
  
Prince Kai ran and ran and ran. He ran so far that he ended up right back at the ogres' house.  
  
The ogres just happened to be coming back from work as he stumbled out of the bushes.  
  
"Well, well, well look who got out," the ogre named Flower said to the others .  
  
"I was just looking for.something to eat," the prince told them.  
  
"Oh, you were hungry? You should've come inside. We have plenty of food," Tiny said.  
  
"Yes come on" Skit said, "You can sit here."  
  
["Hey I though you didn't say anything except 'Hi'" The prince said. The ogres gave him a look that shut him up.]  
  
"Here eat this," Flower said as she placed a plate of onions in front of him.  
  
"Oh great. Onions," the prince said kind of shakily trying to stay conscious. Meanwhile the fairy and all the sprites were looking for him. The fairy found him first by following his footprints in the dirt.  
  
She looked through the window of the ogres' house. "Ha! This is my chance to get revenge," the fairy thought as she watched the ogres try to stuff the onion in the prince's mouth.  
  
"Into the onion he shall bite,  
  
asleep forever,  
  
day and night,  
  
and he will stare into the abyss,  
  
until he gets his 15th kiss."  
  
She chanted quietly to herself with her wand pointed at the onion. The cows stopped chewing their cud. The birds stopped singing. The pigs got out of the mud and the chicks stopped peeping. Then suddenly, Tiny shoved the onion into Kai's mouth and he took a bite. Instantly, he fell over in a deep sleep. The small ogre squeezed in and looked him over.  
  
"It's a magic sleep," Elephant announced suddenly.  
  
"Well all magic sleeps can be cured with a kiss so I will kiss him," Tiny exclaimed. She rushed up to Prince Kai and gave him a kiss that coved his entire face. Then they all stared at him for a moment. Absolutely nothing happened.  
  
"Maybe the right person or creature has to kiss him." said Flower "We should take turns."  
  
So, they each took a turn kissing Kai and each time nothing happened, well almost nothing. When Flower kissed him he almost woke up, but the smell kept him asleep.  
  
After they all kissed him they stood around wondering what to do when a sprite came in yelling,  
  
"I want a chance to kiss him!" It was the little sprite followed by the other sprites. They had finally found the ogres' house after going through the woods several times.  
  
Not knowing what else to do they let the sprites try to wake the prince. After the last one went they just stood around some more. They all looked at each other puzzled. The ogres had the look of disappointment on their faces and the sprites had the look of confusion on theirs. All of the sudden there was a loud crackling noise. They all looked toward the door where there was a gigantic fireball.  
  
"Hi, I'm the Goddess of Fire, known as Ashleigh. My dragon and I were just passing through and we noticed you were having a problem," said a voice from the fire.  
  
"Oh" The ogres and sprites said at the same time. They have all heard of Ashleigh but they had never seen her before now. Not that they could see much through the fire, they could just see the outline of a girl in a black robe with a fire-like fringe.  
  
"So what can I do for you?" Ashleigh said stepping out from the fire.  
  
"Well um you see, your Fiery princess ship ma'am," stammered on of this sprites. "We were trying to wake this prince with a kiss, but it doesn't seem to be working."  
  
"Oh that's the trouble. Let me have a go shall I?" Ashleigh walked up to the prince and gave him a small kiss.  
  
Abruptly the prince woke up and asked, "Who are you and why did you kiss me?"  
  
"Well excuse me for wanting to help you" Ashleigh shot back. Then from across the room there was a loud pop and the earth fairy that Prince Kai ran into before appeared.  
  
"Well congratulations, Goddess you get to marry him." The Earth Fairy announced.  
  
"WHAT! I can't get married I need to tell my mom!" The prince yelled. "Your mom's dead," the fairy said matter-of-factly "she died of grief soon after you left home.  
  
"Oh in that case the marriage is fine with me."  
  
"Well, ok" Ashleigh fire said, "as long as I get to keep my dragon."  
  
Then they quickly made up plans for the wedding. It would be held at the prince's castle and all the ogres and sprites would be invited.  
  
The wedding was a great success, and the ceremony went without a problem. For the wedding banquet they had a llama that was caught running around the forest and absolutely NO onions. Everything was going smoothly until it was time to throw the bouquet of flowers. The fire princess threw the flowers and guess who caught it. It was the smallest ogre.  
  
Unfortunately, Ashleigh's dragon was so mad it started blowing fire everywhere. Everyone was caught in the flames and were never found again, but the prince's crown was found. And under that crown was a pile of ash. The ash was strange looking. Not regular ash, it was jet black and had two eyes. It was Kai. Thus from then on he was known as Black Ash.  
  
The End  
  
P.S.  
  
Hi this is the Goddess of Fire and I just have one more thing to say:  
  
I just knew I shouldn't have married a mortal. They never last.  
  
Epilogue  
  
Black Ash is today still alive and you can find him in the imaginary museum (if you ever find that)! He is on display with the crown that never got a scratch on it and is still to this very day shining bright gold. They say that before he had to suffer so much pain, the crown was rusty and couldn't be fixed, but after he had gone through all of the suffering it turned it's true gold. The earth fairy claims to have put a spell on that too. She said her first one didn't work because she never thought 15 "things" would kiss a "horrid thing such as that" so she put a spell on his crown:  
  
"Let it rust forever more,  
  
until he suffers pain galore.  
  
When the day comes when he shall be fried,  
  
Let him forever stay alive.  
  
For if this day shall ever come,  
  
His work here shall be all done."  
  
And so he lived forever more, and he did suffer pain galore. The ogres were never again to be seen but they say that the sprites were in the morning's gleam. Ashleigh was said to be seen in the museum a few times, but she never went past Black Ash. Was she too sad? Nobody knows. Kai's scribe came to visit him and helped him make his autobiography, which is what you're reading now.  
  
No mythical creatures were harmed in the writing of this book.  
  
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There so what do you think. Please tell me in a review. Then if you would be so kind as to go look at Starlighdragon8's fan fics. She was one of my friends who helped write this story. Well until I write again. Se ya. 


End file.
